A thousand different versions of yourself..

You know, now that I have taken a step back from my “busy” life, from back home.. Before I married Isaac and moved to Georgia. I am seeing from the outside in, and I’m so GOD DAMN glad that I don’t live that life anymore. I just think about all the things I used to do, and who I would hang out with, and what I revolved my weekends, and weekdays, and TIME around.. I just, I’m so ashamed of myself. I can’t believe I was that MONSTER. I don’t know who I was, or what that person, impersonating me WAS THINKING, but I’m glad those days are over, and I’m glad that I don’t have to deal with it, and I’m kinda pretty much glad I’m away from home, because if I weren’t, I’d still be in the same mess that which I’m frowning upon right now.. I will be home soon, but I will have my baby, and no one will get in the way of that, and no one will convince me otherwise, and I will have a hard working husband over seas, DEPLOYED.. I’m not going to be having “girls nights” or “drinks” anywhere, I have a child, and I’m not… under ANY circumstance, EVER.. going to be one of “those” moms, oh hell no. I see it every day, and I can go on and on about how horrible it is to see mommy’s go out every night while their two month old stays at home with grandma, or, with auntie, or uncle, no.. I won’t do that, I couldn’t do that. I can’t even leave my damn cat to go to the store, without worrying or missing him, what on EARTH makes me think it will be easy to leave Autumn at home, while i go out and have a DRINK. How much more irresponsible could that be anyway? I’m so damn happy, I knew life with Isaac was going to change once we were PHYSICALLY together, I jut didn’t know it was going to be THIS perfect. We have our ups and downs, of course, and it took a while to get to the point that we’re at now, but we’re here, we made it, just like I told everyone, (who never believed me) that it would. Everything worked out for the best, and that’s all that matters, after all, I truly believe I deserve it.